One way or another, at some point in our lives, we’ve all been involved in a complaint. No matter if we were the ones complaining or if we were on the receiving end of one, we are familiar with the concept and how it can effect our day.
But why do we do it?
I like to imagine that people complain because the outcome of a particular situation doesn’t meet their expectations or fails to generate a feeling of satisfaction; and they feel that someone else is responsible.
For example, you have ordered something online and it arrives broken – you complain – you get a new one. Or you feel you’re not getting the quality of service you paid for - you complain – the service is adjusted and you’re met with an apology.
These are all examples of very basic complaints where the outcome that you desire is clear to you. You feel it’s within your right (mostly as a customer) to ask someone to make changes so you can feel satisfied.
But has complaining become a process that’s gotten out of hand? Has it become a part of our habits that doesn’t serve a purpose anymore and isn’t being used for the right reasons?
Is the need to complain legitimate, or are we complaining simply for the sake of complaining?
When we don’t have a clear idea of what we desire to achieve, or worse than that, when we complain about something that we clearly have no control over; why do we do it?
Complaining has become a habit; one that serves no purpose. Especially if you complain about one of these three things:
1. Not having enough time in the day
Never, not once, in the history of the world, has anybody been given more time in their day after complaining about not having enough of it.
When it comes to complaining about not having enough time, it often means you simply don’t have your priorities straight.
We all have incredibly busy schedules these days; and everything we do seems important & urgent at the same time. But what is the order of our priorities? Do we even know what they are and how much time each day/week we spend on them?
Just because we are able to fill our schedule, doesn’t mean we fill it with the things that should be our priorities.
Another reason why we might complain about not having enough time is we don’t say “no” enough; we’re terrible at it! How many times have you agreed to do something because you “felt bad” for saying “no”? Every time you say “yes” to avoid making someone feel disappointed (which they probably won’t because they understand that you’re busy) you prioritise someone else’s to-do list over your own. And of course that’s a nice thing to do, but it doesn’t buy you time.
Time is one of our most valuable assets; and we waste quite a lot of it. We all get the same amount of it in our lives, 24 hours each day, 7 days a week. It’s up to us where it goes.
2. The Weather
Just as complaining about not having enough time at #1: nobody has ever changed the weather by complaining about it. Never has it stopped raining or have temperatures altered by hundreds of thousands of people complaining about it.
However, if you think weather is something that generates an unsatisfied feeling; you can possibly have a little bit more control over it than #1. Meaning: you could possibly relocate to an area where the weather is more likely to satisfy you.
Personally I fit in this category. Having grown up in The Netherlands where four seasons in one day is not uncommon and the weather is insanely unpredictable; I thought that moving to a place like Brisbane would instantly change my “complain mode” when it comes to weather. But guess what? Even in warmer places people complain, and so do I (albeit a lot less!).
So why do we complain about the weather, knowing that we can’t control it? Because we don’t like it when we’re not in control! We think it’s the weather that negatively impacts our mood and life, but in fact it is our inability to come up with alternative ways to generate that sense of being satisfied.
3. Other people’s behaviour
We have all done it; complain about other people’s behaviour.
No matter who the other person is; they can be a relative, a colleague or the person at the next table at a restaurant; we think other people’s behaviour impacts us negatively.
Unlike #1 and #2, your complaint might make a difference. Somebody might stop their “annoying” behaviour because you complained. But what if they don’t? Or what if they change, but only temporarily?
Instead of continuing the cycle of complaining and wasting energy in the hope that someone else is willing to change their behaviour just so that you can enjoy your meal and not feel frustrated; we could learn to control our own negative feeling.
When we expect that the changes in other people’s behaviour will positively effect our feelings, we automatically give them power over our emotions.
When we learn to be less effected by external influences like weather, time or people’s behaviour, we keep the power to ourselves. And that, will automatically make us more satisfied.
